How to Support Tween Girls During These Crazy Times

Parents, you don’t have to do this alone…

As I look back, I can honestly say middle school was hard. I mean if I could skip those years, I would in a heartbeat.  I thought it was just me, but apparently, there are a lot of people who feel the same way.

Why is that? If you look at our bodies developmentally, this is the period when you can start seeing and feeling the changes. Puberty is a stage we all go through, and it brings hormonal changes which in turn affects the changes in our brain and body. Certain parts of your body start growing and hair popping out of places where you had never imagined. Not only that, your baby smell that your parents loved sniffing when you were little has turned into this fermented smell that we call “body odor” or “BO”.  This is when your deodorant becomes your best friend.

Imagine going through these changes while learning to adjust to a new school with new rules, routines, and friendships. I remember how anxious I felt walking onto a new campus with new faces and feeling like I’m the crazy one who feels this way. Yet, we all know all kids go through this.

While it’s obvious that middle school is challenging, there are 3 areas I feel are not being shared or talked about enough in terms of how to best support this age group.

Parents Being Present

Being a parent of a tween girl now, I see how critical it is to be present especially during those times when they push us away and see how far they can go. I used to think they really don’t want us around but the truth is, this is the time when they need us more than ever. As they explore their own identity and boundaries, we need to continue to let them know that we are there when they need us. I have to confess here, there are times when I’m there physically, but I’m not there mentally. Our kids know when we are not “present”. What does being present mean? It means when you are actively listening with open eyes, ears, and heart. You are not multi-tasking. You don’t have your phone in your hand or computer in front of you. You are there fully present and are ready to support in ways that would empower them. And yes, nagging is not the right strategy as I had failed many times doing that.

Community

You know the phrase, “Hanging out with the wrong crowd”. Finding the right community for your child needs to be intentional. I have observed throughout my life that who you hang out with reflects who you become. This is why it’s so important to be involved in this process. We need to be more aware and strategic in finding the right kind of environment for our kids. Connecting them to the right people and finding opportunities that would expose them to individuals of influence. When you surround them with people who truly care about your child, these relationships will not only strengthen who they are as a person, but it also creates a sense of security and stability.

Mentors

Have you ever felt like everything you say to your tween child goes in one ear and out the other? However, if somebody else says the exact same thing, they actually listen and follow their advice. I have come to accept the fact that sometimes it’s better to have someone else guide or teach them. This is where mentors come in. Mentors are individuals who care about your child and walk alongside them especially during those challenging times. Research has shown that having quality mentors can positively impact young people in their personal, academic, and professional life. Mentoring supports your chid’s personal growth and development as well as creates social and economic opportunity. The benefits are vast, but are we seeing these students getting this kind of mentoring relationship? As parents we need to be proactive in finding someone they connect well with and to help support building this kind of relationship.

If any of this resonates with you, please email us and let us know your thoughts. Also, feel free to check out our programs on embraceherjourney.com