How to Connect with Your Tween or Teen
Are you struggling to connect with your tween or teen? Do you often question your parenting skills?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
How To Connect with Your Tween or Teen
Are you struggling with connecting with your tween or teen? Do you feel like they are shutting you out? Do you constantly get into fights or argue over petty things? Are you constantly nagging them? Do you get the eye roll and bad attitude from them?
Congratulations, you have joined the club! Looks like every parent of tween or teen I have spoken to are sharing these same struggles. You are NOT alone.
As a mom of a tween girl, I am seeing this firsthand. I had always felt like a failure as a mom because I couldn’t connect with her. It wasn’t until recently, I started noticing that there’s been improvements in the way we connect. I just want to say that it did not happen overnight, and it’s still work in progress.
It took a lot of trial and error to figure out what works. Although every individual is different, here are three simple things I implemented that changed the course of our relationship and maybe this can help you too.
Stop the Nagging - I had to ask myself why I nagged so much, and what I came up with after much reflection was that I wanted to protect her. I was worried that she would make the wrong choices and end up with bad consequences. The truth is, as parents we need to let go, and let them make those mistakes. If we want to empower them, we must let them make their own choices and believe they will figure things out on their own instead of us telling them what to do.
Respect their Space - I don’t know about you, but usually when I pick up my daughter from school, the first thing I ask is, “How was your day?” And the response I get is often a one-word answer and maybe an eye roll afterwards. Then we would get into this heated moment and my daughter would then start yelling at me and telling me to stop talking. Of course, I don’t want to stop talking because I want her to know that it’s not ok to talk to her mom like this. As you can see, it can get pretty messy. What I finally learned is that we need to let them process their day and give them that space to do that. Don’t take it personally. When they are ready to talk, they will come to you eventually. Again, respect their space.
Ask them - It’s hard to know what they need from us or how they want us to help them. The only way to know is by asking them. Instead of assuming, ask them. It doesn’t have to be an hour conversation. It could be something as simple as, “Is there something I can do to help you feel better?” Again, respect their responses and move on. By doing this, not only are you giving them that sense of control, but also helping them see that you are here for them.
Whatever happens, know that this is just a phase and that it will get better. We just have to remember that we are all human beings. We make mistakes every day, but the key is learning from our mistakes. If you haven’t read Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck, you may want to check it out. Who said parenting is easy. Let’s not let our failures hold us back, but instead let it be the fuel that drives us to get better each day.